Shiv Sena’s ‘party animals’ out on a ‘wild’-life safari, eh?

For just a few months now, I’ve prevented all Indian information channels together with I’m-So-Liberal-However-So-Spineless Flexible TV. I’ve no want to observe anchors unfold propaganda spoon fed to them by the BJP or the BJP’s industrialist associates who pay their salaries.

Nothing could make me return, not even the present episode of the BJP’s Large Bully Actuality TV present, during which it cocks a snook at democratic values and tries to topple yet one more state authorities by flaunting its cash energy.

As I sort this, the MVA authorities in Maharashtra is beneath assault—by the point you learn this, we might know the way it ends. A good variety of Shiv Sena ministers had been kidnapped or enticed to Gujarat (a BJP state), after which shifted to Assam (one other BJP state).

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Police safety, luxurious buses, chartered planes, 5-star lodge lodging, eat-your-heart-out preparations, and probably huge sums of cash too have been offered to make these rebels really feel as cuddled and treasured as toilet-trained infants.

I’ve requested associates who’re brave sufficient to nonetheless watch Indian information channels if sponsors of the Large Bully Actuality TV present have been introduced, however the reply isn’t any. Such a pity! The nation would love to listen to trustworthy phrases like, “This undemocratic act was delivered to you by Electoral Bonds/ Crony A/ Crony B/ Crony C/ Pan Masala/ Businessmen Who Bought Contracts From the Diyar Chief For Defective Ventilator Machines/ Others.

When you’re questioning why I didn’t add PM Cares Fund as one of many sponsors, it’s as a result of the Diyar Chief has been very tight-fisted about doling it out, even for Covid reduction. He cares for his fund greater than he cares for us, and it seems to be safely tucked away in his jhola—sure, that jhola he retains speaking about.

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I observe ear-to-the-ground journalists in Maharashtra on Twitter, so whereas I gratefully prevented the hysteria of stories anchors overjoyed that yet one more state could also be annexed by the BJP, I didn’t miss the motion and the barbs. Shiv Sena MP Sanjay Raut will get full marks for his comment that his occasion’s rebels had been in Assam to go to wildlife sanctuaries.

He’s not to date off the mark as a result of each BJP state is filled with animals on the prime, notably scavenging hyenas. Congress chief Rahul Gandhi confirmed nice knowledge when he most popular to play together with his canine just a few years in the past as an alternative of tickling the present CM of Assam on his tummy.

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Whereas wannabe CM Fadnavis is tunelessly singing duets together with his spouse and ironing his huge, mothballed assortment of chief ministerial bandhgalas, I’ve a query: Isn’t it about time Opposition events arrange HR departments to maintain their flock safely collectively?

It will be so significantly better than listening to disgruntled occasion members whine that they’re becoming a member of the BJP as a result of their occasion just isn’t bigoted sufficient, or as a result of a senior chief supplied his pet tastier biscuits, and different such garbage.

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I additionally didn’t watch telly in the course of the fiery protests over Agnipath, a controversial armed forces scheme. BJP cronies shouted as loudly because the protestors—they had been ordered to defend the scheme or else. I’m so glad I missed that shameless apple sharpening!

I’ve determined that I gained’t give up Twitter even when Elon Musk buys it and Trump is again on it. It’s extra bearable than Indian information channels as a result of it shares information with searing wit, as an alternative of the ridiculous reverential tones that information anchors make use of.

I want I had had an inexhaustible provide of popcorn at house on Worldwide Yoga Day, as a result of the images and clips made me snigger. It’s all the time enjoyable watching the Diyar Chief and his ministers make public spectacles of themselves doing kindergarten-grade yoga as cameras lovingly caress their lumpy, bumpy, pot-bellied our bodies and fleshy, flapping arms.

One would have thought that after the primary 12 months once they noticed themselves doing yoga on information clips they might swear to train each day, however nope.

This 12 months, the pièce de résistance was a BJP minister in a pink tee — she seemed like a huge steroid-pumped tomato that will win first prize at an English village backyard present. I’m so grateful that she wears sarees on the opposite days of the 12 months—the slimming impact of sarees can’t be underestimated!

(Any resemblance to actual individuals or occasions is a coincidence)

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